Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just gargled with NyQuil
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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