If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
