I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
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