you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
