I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
