I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
