so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Congratulations! We have a period
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