I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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