I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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