I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
