in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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