he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
