Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can I color on your dick again?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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