If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
