Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
