It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
