cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
