I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
