I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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