Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
