omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
