I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
