Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
