similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
