I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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