Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
