my soul wont recognize me after tonight
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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