a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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