I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
