I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
