hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
