I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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