my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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