Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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