i would punch a child for taco bell
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
