And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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