God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
