she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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