You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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