Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
