i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
