I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
