I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
