Do you still have your period?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
