I must be too annoying 4 u.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
