I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
do nipples grow back?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
