Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
