Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
