I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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