now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
