Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
