idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
